When I Didn't Listen to My Own Intuition
When will I trust that little voice in my head? The one that knows things before I do.
When will I stop trying to make sense of the red flags I receive and just act on them without hesitation?
You’d think that someone who makes part of her living teaching others to listen to their inner wisdom would always listen to her own. But, alas. I have a nasty habit of wanting to make perfect sense of what I’m sensing, and that doesn’t always help.
The day I stop thinking, “did I really just feel that?” and trust that I did and immediately act on that knowledge, I will have reached the pinnacle of intuition-hood.
So, in the spirit of we’re-all-in-this-together, I’ll share some examples of when I ignored my own intuition:
1. Something was off. I ignored red flags that I picked up over the phone from a teacher and body worker. I knew there was something about him that didn’t gel with me, but I couldn’t put a finger on it. He was perfectly professional. But when I received a session from him, I felt myself shrinking, trying to escape through the massage table. He went a little too far, a lot too deep, and I felt exhausted, sore and a bit violated at the end. Not the way you want to feel after bodywork. I should have listened to the red flags.
2. Jokes. I felt nausea when my ex joked about being my “right now man rather than my right man.” He saw the look on my face and quickly hugged me, saying that it was a joke - a bad one. So, I let it go. I shouldn’t have. The nausea was a crystal clear sign. N-O. No.
3. Acquaintance. There was a man that I didn’t like, for no good reason. This friend of a friend seemed too loud, a little odd, and disquieting somehow. He talked too much about how happy he was, how wonderful life was. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it didn’t seem authentic. One day I had some back pain, and he asked where it hurt. I turned my back to show him, and he grabbed my ass. No, he full on fondled my butt and private parts. Then he howled with laughter and walked away as I stood there in surprised, horrified silence. I should have listened to those red flags.
5. Networking groups. My Linked In profile is littered with people I met at awful networking meetings. I need a network to find a job. Have I found a job though networking events? Nope. Hogwash. Never helped. I hated the meetings from the beginning and dutifully attended them for over 3 months. They were dreadful, and I should have listened to my intuition and moved along faster.
And now for an example of when I listened to my intuition:
Yes, it does happen!
I was shopping for tables on Craigslist and set up an appointment with a seller. When he showed me the table, it was smaller and less sturdy than I expected. The old me would have purchased it just because it was close enough, because I had driven 45 minutes, because I had waited, because he had cut his lunch short to meet me, because he showed me several tables. But the connected me thought, no something about this doesn’t feel right. I feel smaller right now. It’s not what I want. I am under no obligation to purchase.
So- no thank you. I didn’t buy anything. And, I left feeling lighter because I had listened to myself.
That’s what I’m after- a feeling of lightness. Pushed into nothing. Dreading nothing. Regretting nothing. Freedom. Ease.